mistakes.

i hate messing up.. like i really do - im a perfectionist and not being able to achieve perfection in every aspect of my life is really frustrating. i mean yeah i know its not possible.. bc we're kinda imperfect human beings, haha. but that doesn't make life any easier. and i know no one ever promised or even said that life would be fair or easy or anything close to it. no one even said that life had to be fun or enjoyable. if i was able to not make mistakes or even just not make mistakes concerning certain things in my life, then i'd be a much happier person. however this isnt exactly the case, quite unfortunately. i can also say from experience that the reset as well as the rewind buttons for life have yet to be found and so i've given up hoping and wishing i could just find them. but now that i have made the magic number of mistakes i guess its finally suck in the reasons we're allowed and created to make them. without mistakes there would never be any sort of learning process.. the Lord wouldnt be able to really teach us all that he does now for starters. i know the storms in our lives and mistakes we make, are there for a reason and that they were supposed to happen - that they were essentially unavoidable. and thinking about it.. life wouldnt mean so much if we never made mistakes or could magically fix them all the time. it would be like owell, lets try again. like a video game. oops you died, insert two more quarters to play again!
though in all brutal honesty, right now i cant say im thankful for my mistakes. nor do i know when i will be thankful for them. though i know they must have some purpose or reason, i cant say right in this moment that i'm happy for them. hopefully one day a long time from now [a very very very long time from now..] i'll be able to look back on it and be okay with the fact that they did happen..